Immortal
I was ten years old when I had my first crush and it was so funny at that time with my family knowing and criticizing them.
I had my first “lover when I was 12. He’s a “fine” guy. But I didn’t like him and at that time. He was about to transfer to another school. Then I had my “second” on that same year. He was 4 years older than me. I didn’t like him, though my friends do. I was very young then. I was scared.
When I entered high school, the “old” guy was still there, and the “fine” guy is back. I dumped both of them. It's simply because I don’t like them. At the same time in high school, I met a very good looking guy and he’s just my age. The good thing is he’s my classmate (thank God). The first few weeks, we didn’t talk. We don’t know each other yet. But you know time flies…
I can still remember our first conversation. It was about my I.D. He saw my name and it is short (coca) he said “diba cocaine?” I explained and he started calling me “coca”. He became the one reason why I love going to school. We became friends, you know, we joke around, we talk, tell story and have fun.
He really looks good. He’s sweet, he’s funny, he’s a gentleman and he can sing. He has done a lot of “sweet things” to me. That is why I am crazy about him at that time. We even became our teacher’s favorite couple. Even though we are not a couple. Everything that happened to us was great.
By third year he’s not my classmate anymore. No more sweetness and I’m not crazy about him anymore. Many things happened to me and to him too. I’ve had my new crushes and suitors. While he was busy with my best friend. I didn’t care about them and hey! That’s my best friend anyway. If he wants her, that is fine.
I’m now in college. A year after I will graduate. After so many years of not seeing even his shadows, I still think I still love him. I know I should be over him. Well, I thought I was until I’ve heard his name again and memories of him come to my mind again. I can say that I maid him an immortal. You know? “First love never dies”…
Should
I am about to celebrate my 20
th birthday for just a few days more and everybody’s bogging me that I’m old na and I hate it. As if naman I don’t know.
I know I am old, but I don’t really mind. It’s just age. Everybody will come to that; it’s just a matter of who comes first. I know I should act my age, well I am acting my age. It’s just sometimes I don’t. Maybe because I love being young. And I don’t think there’s something wrong with that. Who wants to be old anyway?
Another thing is, one of them is telling me that I should have a boy friend again. Should?! Falling in love at 20 seems to be ideal. At this age one is no longer innocent of the ways of the world. But I don’t think that there is an assurance that falling in love at a later age will make things easy. Life is never easy and so is loving.
It’s not something that I’m planning to do. I don’t even know when is the right time and the right person is. And come to think of it, this “boy friend” thing only comes in handy during Christmas season or Valentines Day. By this time, I don’t need somebody else to make life happier for me. I could never find happiness if I looked for it through another person. Happiness was just a state of mind.
It’s not that I don’t want to be in love; maybe I’m just afraid to get hurt. I’m not a man hater nor a man hitter. I love men, I adore them. I have my crushes but I don’t have any special someone right now. May be I don’t want commitment because it spells responsibility, like, I don’t want to do things because I’m supposed to do it. I don’t need someone to look after me or tell me what is wrong and what is right. I am old enough and I know all those things.
Maybe I’m just having so much fun now more than ever or maybe I’m just not ready to get into a relationship. Maybe I don’t have much of a good concept about it. Its foolish to get into a situation that will cause one a lot of headache in the future.
But if true love comes around, I wont ignore it. It comes only once in a lifetime. It is never going to be easy. There will be times when one will come and feel loved, needed and cared for. And there will be also times when your loved one will make you feel cheated and taken for granted. But don’t be afraid and lose the chance to feel what its like to live, love and be loved…
"after a few months of writting this one, I did fell inlove and lasted for years..."
10 things I hate about you...
I hate you when you treat me like this
When you treat me like I don’t exist
I hate the way you treat us all
Coz you treat me differently from them all
I hate the way you talk to me
The way you raise your voice at me
I hate the pain you are giving me
I hope you know you are killing me
I hate it when you don’t show you care
I hate it coz you make me dare
I hate the way you look at me as if I didn’t do good
There’s just times that I’m not in the mood
I hate it when you are always right and I am always wrong
I hate it when what I did was right but then for you its wrong
I hate the way you hate me coz I know I love you so
I hate myself for not hating you not even once, not even close.
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